Osama Bin Laden’s list of travel demands

By John Breneman

Vice President Dick
Cheney‘s list of hotel travel requirements — featuring
such bland fare as bottled water, diet Sprite, decaf coffee
and a mandatory dose of Fox News — has mushroomed into
a major news story today after being leaked by the
Smoking Gun.

However, a secret addendum to the list reveals that Cheney
also demands a loaded shotgun, a Bugs Bunny-Elmer Fudd DVD
and an inflatable Ann Coulter sex doll. The VP also reserves
the right — if a television is tuned to any channel other
than Fox News — to smash the hell out of it then hurl it
out the window.

The
Humor Gazette has obtained a similar list detailing the
hotel requirements of fugitive terror kingpin Osama
bin Laden, who often registers under the alias Osama
Smith.

One 30-pack of Milwaukee’s
Best beer
and a jug of Mountain Dew Code Red

A 64-inch, high-definition, flat-panel

plasma television tuned to Al-Jazeera

Two packs of Camel non-filtered cigarettes

A half-pound of fois gras pate and a
box of Ritz crackers

Two unopened bags of Sta-Puff marshmallows

Five tins of Dinty Moore beef stew

A half-dozen nubile virgins

A bag of opium

An organic buckwheat pillow

Three unopened canisters of VX nerve gas

A suitcase containing $50,000 in unmarked
U.S. $100 bills

A Baxter 1550 kidney dialysis machine
and six chilled pints of type O blood

A Gideon Koran in the top drawer of his
nightstand

Editor’s note: What else would bin Laden
demand in his hotel room? Comments below