Pope
apologizes to Rosie O’Donnell for slamming Islam

By John Breneman

Pope Benedict XVI today asked forgiveness from Rosie O’Donnell
for badmouthing Islamo-fascism.

Under the gun for saying it is "evil" to spread
religious beliefs "by the sword," and controversial
stuff like "violence is incompatible with the nature
of God and the nature of the soul," the
pope apologized to the Muslim world in general and
O’Donnell in particular.

"I’m
sorry if my reference to some 14th century Byzantine
emperor offended Muslims or any of Rosie O’Donnell’s fans
in the radical, extremist, lesbian Islamo-Hollywood community,"
he said in an exclusive interview with Regis Philbin.

O’Donnell,
meanwhile, is taking heat for saying "radical Christianity
is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like
America." Inflammatory words. So it was vitally important
that the daytime talk show blabbermouth be burned in effigy
by the nighttime blabberpundits on cable, while enraged Muslims
torched pope posters in Pakistan.

In other cable-news news: Forensic analysts are conducting
tests to determine if chunks of shredded human flesh found
in the razor-sharp teeth of self-appointed CNN legal attack
dog Nancy
Grace is that of a young Florida woman took her own
life after being interrogated
by Grace about her missing son.

The incident sparked fresh debate over whether the Geneva
Conventions should apply to Grace’s program or ratings-motivated
media grillings in general. Grace is also under fire for allegedly
waterboarding a sexy blonde teacher who banged one of her
students.

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— June 17, 2005