Pope says: Don’t call me ‘Eggs’ Benedict
XVI

By
John Breneman

The new pontiff, Pope Benedict XVI, today sent a strong signal
that he will have little tolerance for anyone blasphemous
enough to address him by the nickname "Eggs," as
in Pope "Eggs" Benedict XVI.

A source close to the Egg Man said he was afraid this might
happen when he selected the name Benedict, but decided to
forge bravely ahead rather than switch at the last minute
to Pius or Cyrus or Dubya.

The new pope, a German cardinal named Joseph Ratzinger ("Joey
Rats" to his Sicilian friends), has been called "Panzer
Cardinal" and "God’s rottweiler" by critics,
but he also answers to "God’s pit bull" and "God’s
schnauzer." He did serve in the Hitler Youth as a boy,
but escaped without being tagged with the nickname "Nazi
Joe."

The custom of papal nicknames dates back to the very first
pope, St. Peter (32-67 A.D.), an orange-faced, triangle-eyed
pontiff called "Pumpkin Eater" by his foes.

Almost every Pope Boniface has been called "Old Bony
Face" and Pope Eugene IV (1431-47) was haunted by the
epithet "Gene, Gene, Pontificating Machine." Of
course, the papal wagsters were merciless with Pope Sisinnius
(708 A.D.).

The newly installed Pope "Don’t Call Me Eggs" Benedict
pledged to be a divider, not a uniter, by spreading his message
that Allah and Buddha can hit the bricks because the Roman
Catholic Church is the one true religion.