The Bush administration cleverly launched a rocket-propelled grenade into one of its two left feet this week with its decision to exclude France, Germany, Russia and other nations from $18.6 billion in U.S. funds to rebuild Iraq.
President Bush explained Thursday that only
those nations that “risked lives” in his ill-advised
personal crusade to crush Saddam Hussein would be eligible
for U.S.-financed reconstruction contracts.
“American taxpayers are getting screwed
in this deal so it is only fair that we also stick it
to any nation that was not part of the ‘coalition of the
willing’,” said the president.
“Besides, I¹ve already promised
most of that money to my pals.”
It is widely believed that the bulk of the Iraqi reconstruction
bonanza will be awarded to politically connected U.S.
megacompanies favored by the president and his cronies.
Competitive bidding may not even be needed,
Bush explained, because “the courageous corporate
warriors at Halliburton and Bechtel risked their lives”
to produce outrageously inflated estimates of what they
will charge to rebuild Iraq’s electric, communications,
transportation and oil industries.
In keeping with his extraordinary capacity
for general cluelessness, the president did not appear
at all fazed that his administration was simultaneously
asking “those chicken-shit countries that didn’t
send their guys to be killed” to write off billions
in debts owed to them by Iraq.
The Pentagon list of who’s been naughty
and nice also freezes out Canada, while insuring that
key U.S. allies like Eritrea, Albania and Uganda will
reap up to a couple thousands bucks each.
“What a dipshit,” Russian President
Vladimir V. Putin said of Bush. “That guy is number
than a hake,” agreed Chancellor Gerhard Schröder
of Germany. “Mon dieu,” said French President
Jacques Chirac. “Monsieur W. is, how you say, an
imbecile.”
Foreign policy analysts say the fact that
France, Germany and Russia are outraged by the Pentagon
decision fits well with the administration’s strategy
of accidentally fomenting anti-American sentiment throughout
the world.