President to appoint Iraq czar

By
John Breneman

With the June 30 deadline for his make-believe transfer of
power looming, President Bush today announced he will appoint
an "Iraq czar" to help find a taker for that smoking
terror-pit of a country.

In an unrelated move, Halliburton has announced the creation
of a tax-exempt "sovereign entity" division.

Bush has vowed he won’t give control of Iraq to some "Joe
al-Tikrit off the street." He said democratic elections
must be held "so Mohammed Q. Public and Mustafa Six-Pack
can taste the freedom endowed on them by our Almighty."
Freedom to vote between two men who spend millions attacking
and distorting each other’s character.

Pundits say appointing a czar demonstrates the president
"means business" about completing Iraq’s transformation
from a repressive dictatorship to an unstable Islamocratic
sovereign entity that doesn’t mind having George Bush as its
boss.

Political historians note the czar has enjoyed a prominent
role in American politics since Thomas Jefferson was named
Independence czar in the run-up to the war with Great Britain.

Since then U.S. presidents have favored two primary strategies
to confront daunting social and political issues. One is to
declare "war" on them ("War on Poverty,"
"War on Illiteracy," etc.). The other is to appoint
a "czar."

With his war-mongering skills under fire, the president is
looking for a dependable czar, preferably a real consensus
builder like Newt Gingrich or Henry Kissinger.

Sources say the president likes the czar idea so much that
he plans to appoint several dozen czars in the coming weeks.
Leading candidates for the czar slots are those who have raised
$100,000 or more for the re-election effort.

The Humor Gazette has obtained the following "short
list" of potential new czar-level appointments:

Prescription Drug Czar

Medicare Czar

Obscenity Czar

Obesity Czar

Tax Cut Czar

Marital Sanctity Czar

Credibility Czar

Propaganda Czar

Spin Czar

Attack Ad Czar

Military Intelligence Czar

Artificial Intelligence Czar

Lo-Carb Czar

Energy Czar

Patriotism Czar