Trade talks scrubbed, superstar shines

By
John Breneman

Mission control specialists at Fenway Park yesterday celebrated
the spectacular re-entry of Starship Ramirez into the rarified
atmosphere of Red Sox Nation after more than 72 hours in orbit.

The situation was touch-and-go throughout the weekend as
the millions who idolize the eccentric slugger savant reacted
to his request to be traded and his absence from the lineup
with the same dispiriting prognosis: "Boston, we have
a problem."

But then intergalactic superstar Manny Ramirez — one of
the only men capable of blasting a baseball to the
moon — at least temporarily retracted his invisible force
field and decided he would rather play ball than mind games.

The impact was immediate and profound, as Ramirez strapped
on his helmet and calmly tapped out a game-winning hit just
54 minutes after the countdown to a possible trade reached
:00 and talks of a disruptive transaction were officially
scrubbed.