Rev. Jesse Jackson mulls pope bid

By
John Breneman

Dissatisfied with the amount of attention he received by
poking his nose into the Michael Jackson and Teri Schiavo
media events, the Rev, Jesse Jackson is said to be talking
with his advisers about a possible campaign to become the
first black pope.

When informed that he can’t be pope because he is not Catholic,
Jackson reportedly became infuriated and vowed to "fight
the racism that oppresses non-Catholic, African-American adulterers
by saying they can’t be the Dalai Lama, an ayatollah, or even
pope."

A source close to Jackson’s massive ego said he formed an
exploratory committee after being encouraged to run by such
influential figures as P. Diddy, LaToya Jackson and the Rev.
Al Sharpton. Father Guido Sarducci has also thrown his full
support behind the "Jackson for Pontiff in 2005"
movement.

Jackson, who ran for president in 1984 and 1988, said his
qualifications for the Vatican position include his "brotherly
love for all mankind, even the Hymies" and a "God-given
ability to pontificate with the media."

"Plus, I gotta lotta words that rhyme with ‘pope’,"
said Jackson, 63. "Rope. Dope. Yeah, rope-a-dope like
Muhammad Ali. That pope could float like he’s beatified and
sting like a bee."

Political analysts speculate that since he has no realistic
chance to become pope, Jackson may just be angling for a Cabinet
position in the next papal administration, like Secretary
of Vatican Affairs or Under Secretary of Magniloquent Pomposity.