Ronald McDonald undergoes ‘McMakeover’

By
John Breneman

Under doctor’s orders to change his greasy, high-fat diet
or die, fast-food superstar Ronald McDonald reportedly has
become a vegetarian.

Stung by complaints that he is a moronic poster clown for
childhood obesity, McDonald is reinventing himself as an athletic,
healthy-eating … clown. The "McMakeover"
includes a custom-tailored Armani sweatsuit, Nike cross-trainer
jumbo clown boots and a butt-load of liposuction.

Mr. McDonald said he felt a bit sluggish during his 42 years
as the company mascot, but never imagined that subsisting
solely on Quadruple Quarter-Pounders and extra-salty French
Fries was partly to blame. "Me and the Hamburglar didn’t
know any better," he says now.

McDonald credits the documentary "Supersize
Me" with helping him realize that he was being
"oppressed by the corporate goons of the red meat-industrial
complex." He said he hopes his new focus on good health
will help him realize his dream of playing in the NBA with
his good friend Yao Ming.

As part of his health regimen, McDonald now eats tofu and
does yoga each day. He has also sworn of booze, sleazy hookers,
heroin and crystal meth.

Related story:
(This one’s from when the guy sued McDonald’s for making
him fat)
The
People v. Ronald McDonald — July 30, 2002