‘Madman’
Hussein pleads insanity
By John Breneman
BAGHDAD — Charged with attempted genocide and first-degree crimes against
humanity, a defiant Saddam Hussein today pleaded "temporary
insanity" — a defense strategy built around the fact
that President Bush has called him a "madman" approximately
12,465 times since Sept. 11, 2001.
Hussein, clad in a grey suit with no pants and oversized
polka dot clown briefs, denounced the tribunal, berated the
judge, then jumped onto the floor and performed the "Curly
shuffle" while emitting high-pitched whooping noises.
"I am Saddam Hussein, president of Iraq," said
the disgraced ex-dictator, adding, "Saddam I am. I do
not like green eggs and ham."
Prosecutors conceded that Bush called the defendant a "madman,"
but said the president was beating the term into the ground
"rhetorically," much like the words "weapons
of mass destruction" and "links to al-Qaeda."
The prosecution is calling for the triple death penalty —
hanging then gassing, followed by stoning. The defense reportedly
has offered to plead guilty to voluntary manslaughter and
digging mass graves without a permit.
Wearing a bloody glove on his right hand and a sequined glove
on his left, Hussein shouted "It wasn’t me!" and
blamed the dozens of lookalikes he once used to absorb assassins’
bullets. He pleaded with the judge to release him with an
ankle bracelet so he could begin his search for "the
real genocidal maniac."
Motion denied, the madman called for a brief recess so he
could go out to the parking lot and play some kickball.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Prosecutors say the Humor Gazette
may be called to testify about conversations related to its
May 23, 2005 exclusive
"Photos prove Saddam possessed BVDs."
Related
stories:
A CNN/Al-Jazeera poll revealed
Hussein’s approval rating is at an all-time low.
Legal analysts speculate that several other Gazette/IBS News
scoops may also come up during the much-anticipated next "Trial
of the Century," including:
"Rumsfeld
links Saddam Hussein to … Rumsfeld" —
June 11, 2004
Saddam
Hussein seeking work as a media pundit — March
21, 2005
Saddam
and Osama adopted shaved-ape baby — Oct. 28, 2003
Hussein
pulls lawsuit out of briefs case — May 25, 2005
Saddam
loses shirt in stock market — July 19, 2002
Also today, a
sneak peek at the Iraqi Constitution.