Scent of a pop tart

By John Breneman

Hey ladies, have you ever gone to a hotel and fantasized
about banging the beguiling stranger in the room next door?
If so, pop slut turned perfume mogul-ette Britney Spears has
got a hot new fragrance for you.

It’s called Curious, and the fabulous commercial features
the doe-eyed diva either fantasizing about getting nailed
or actually seducing her mystery man into a steamy fingernails-raking-the-back
sex romp.

Unlike lesser creative artists — who might be content to
slap their name on some toilet water and rake in millions
from pop tart wannabes and gullible boyfriends — word is
Britney gave some juicy input to the "scent boys"
in putting together her naughty new ‘fume. She has even mastered
the marketing soundbite, calling the aroma "seriously
sexy."

Britney’s odor is described as "an exhilarating white
floral accented with Louisiana Magnolia and wrapped in the
sensuality of vanilla-infused musk."

It’s only $49.50 for a 3.3 oz. mini-jug and it comes with
a free gift — a T-shirt emblazoned with the pheromone-producing
slogan "Deliciously Whipped!"

But wait, there’s more. For just another $50 or so, you can
get Curious body souffle, Curious shower gel and Curious shimmer
stick. That’s not a bad deal, considering that Team Spears
could probably sell tiny decanters of Britney’s used bath
water for $200 a pop. (At presstime, bidding on eBay had reached
$10,000 for a vial of her pee.)

Meanwhile, keep a nostril out for other celebrity scents.
Coming soon:

Hilary Duff ("Facsimile")
Lindsay Lohan ("Me2")
Jessica Simpson ("Oblivious")
Christina Aguilera ("Genital Breeze")
Jenna Jameson ("Secretions")
Anna Nicole Smith ("Smitty")
Angelina Jolie ("Plasma")
Paris Hilton ("Gangbang")
Kirstie Alley ("Colossus")
Martha Stewart ("Captivity")
Condoleezza Rice ("Security")

(For Men)
P. Diddy ("Ho")
Ashton Kutcher ("Douche")
Vin Diesel ("Fumes")
Mel Gibson ("Passion")
Tony Danza ("Emote")

Hilary
Duff redefines ‘creative artist’

As part of her evolution as a creative
artist, Duff has taken the bold step of actually offering
input to the songwriters who create the material she performs.

A special report by Lars Trodson

Editor’s
Note: My grandmother died on Thanksgiving Day at age 94.
She was feisty and funny and sweet. Below, if you are interested,
is a piece I wrote for her on her 90th birthday in 2000. Best
Humor Gazette wishes to all your loved ones.