Schiavo
autopsy
reveals media in
persistent vegetative state

By John Breneman

The autopsy of Terri Schiavo has confirmed that not only
was Schiavo indeed in a persistent vegetative state, so too
is the entire media that exploited her tragic death with sensationally
executed overkill.

Analysis revealed that although the media’s ability to
reflexively emit knee-jerk, soundbite “coverage”
of important issues may make it appear there is cognitive
activity, in reality the media as we once knew it has gone
largely brain-dead.

“It’s worse than we thought,” said Sen.
Bill Frist (R-Tenn.), a physician who said the autopsy
in no way underscored what a moron he was for offering a politically
driven “medical opinion” that Schiavo wanted him
to rush to her defense.

Laughing from the sidelines, former
CBS News anchor Dan Rather said the media covered
Schiavo’s death “like a poison blanket on a hapless
Indian.”

Further evidence of a mentally incapacitated media was offered
during the macabre and madcap papal deathwatch, culminating
in FOX News anchor Shepard Smith’s premature ejaculation,
“Facts are facts, Pope John Paul II has now died.”
Smith
soon added, “Oops.”

Daily Show anchor Jon Stewart said it best in this video
clip, “The Schiavo feeding tube will soon be
removed from the cable news networks.”

Related news:

Burger
King intervenes in Schiavo case — March 30, 2005

"The
reports of my death are greatly exaggerated" –
Mark Twain

Pope
suffers pulled hamstring – March 25, 2005