Shiite hits the fan over bum Newsweek
report

By
John Breneman

Newsweek reported today that, for the third consecutive week,
the Koran is ranked #1 on the New York Times most-flushed-down-the-toilet
list.

The magazine’s controversial report about alleged mistreatment
of the holy book has sparked outrage in the Muslim world and,
of course, plenty of senseless killings. Osama bin Laden vowed
to seek vengeance by farting on a Bible if someone could just
FedEx one to his cave.

Other books contending for the top spot on the prestigious
most-flushed list: "Suicide Bomber’s Guide to the Galaxy"
by Douglas Adams, Mitch Albom’s "Tuesdays With Moammar"
and the final installment in the Star Wars saga, "Revenge
of the Shiite."

Plumbers have also reported handling an increase in wadded-up
copies of "The Da Vinci Code," particularly in Catholic
households. Also swirling in the literary hopper, best-selling
vowel movements by Jane Fonda, Bob Dole, Zell Miller, Suzanne
Somers, Queen Noor, Jenny McCarthy and the Welches, Jack and
Suzy.

And just out on paperback, "The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective Insurgents" and Mitch Albom’s other chart-topper,
"The Five Nubile Virgins You Meet in Heaven."

(Real news alert: "Fear and Loathing in Las
Vegas" by Dr. Hunter S. Thompson clocked in at #33 on
the Times’ Paperback Nonfiction list … right behind "The
Making of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith.")