‘Mission Accomplished’?
U.S. throws surprise
party for Iraq

Several U.S. officials sustained minor injuries in
last night’s surprise transfer of power ceremony when they were
crushed under the weight of flowers and complimentary Halliburton-brand
sweets showered upon them by a grateful Iraqi people. Baghdad erupted
with the sounds of celebratory gunfire and disoriented suicide bombers
rushing into the streets to detonate themselves.

"Thank you for the power," said new Iraqi
Prime Minister Iyad Allawi, "now what would be really great
is if you could hook us up with some electrical power." A new
survey revealed that President Bush’s approval rating among Iraqis
skyrocketed from 1.2 percent to 1.9 percent. The U.S. moved up the
scheduled June 30 handover of sovereignty to "stick it to those
freedom-hating thugs," according to Bush, who added, "In
your face, freedom-hating thugs."

The U.S. is scheduled to maintain a presence in Iraq,
roughly forever, to help provide security and to make sure the oil
doesn’t fall into enemy hands. American advisers will also be on
hand to teach Iraq’s new government how to give tax breaks to the
rich, restrict civil liberties in the name of fighting evil, and
rig elections so the idiot son of a former leader can rise to power.