Stones
‘Under Mao’s Thumb’

By John Breneman

Responding to international pressure, China is backing off
its decision to execute the Rolling Stones for singing the
words "(Bleep)" and "(Blimey)" during
a historic concert in Shanghai.

Chinese authorities, who had ordered the Stones not to play
five of their songs, seized Mick Jagger halfway through "Confucius Say Let’s Spend Night Together."
But not before the wiry frontman led them on a high-speed
chase around the stage at sold-out Shanghai stadium.

The arrest came moments after Jagger’s received a warning
for singing "Honky Tonk Women Love You Long Time."
Police also rounded up the rest of the Stones, better known
in mainland China as "Naughty Caucasian Music Geezers"
and "The Roving Testicles." Guitarist Keith Richards
narrowly avoided further charges when forensic officials discovered
that his body is approximately 23 percent narcotics.

Fans paid 300-3,000 yuan ($40-$400) for tickets, more than
the many Chinese workers make in a month and almost as much
as Jagger takes in every tenth of a second.

The band wowed the crowd with such classics as "Buddha’s
Little Helper," "Under Mao’s Thumb" and "Sympathy
for the White Capitalist Devil." Before police shut down
the show, they also managed to squeeze in "Wild Horses
and Broccoli" and "(I Can’t Get No) Szechuan Chicken."

The Stones also stand accused of fomenting revolution by
playing "Street Fighting Panda" and "You Can’t
Always Get the Human Rights You Want."

In a related development, the Stones today increased pressure
on Iran to abandon its nuclear ambitions, saying the band
will refuse to play a 2007 concert there unless accompanied
by U.N. weapons inspectors.

Also, China is negotiating a performance by Pink Floyd, who
hit #1 on the Chinese charts in 1979 with "Another Brick
in the Great Wall."

Related story:
Rolling
Fossils announce world tour (Playlist to include "Jumpin’
Jack Kevorkian,"
"Gimme Assisted Living Shelter"
and "Bypass Surgery for the Devil")
— May 16, 2005