Al Jazeera to broadcast Super Bowl
By
John Breneman
Now that they’ve experienced the thrill of voting, the Iraqi
people are set to kick back on their couches and munch Halliburton
snack pouches while enjoying the ultimate symbol of American
glory — the Super Bowl.
The game will be broadcast for the first time on al Jazeera,
which is hyping Sunday’s showdown as "American Gridiron
Devils XXXIX." In keeping with Super Bowl tradition,
the Arabic telecast commercials will feature farting camels
and scantily-clad detainees pitching pills for a debilitating
condition called "Iraq-tile dysfunction."
The halftime show — featuring an extravagant display of
surface-to-air fireworks — will have a five-second delay
to guard against any possible burka malfunction when Janet
Jackson takes center stage with Bo Jackson, Jesse Jackson
and Samuel L. Jackson in a Jackson-studded salute to Jacksonian
democracy.
Michael Jackson could not be in Jacksonville for the game,
but the King of Pop — who joined
the Nation of Islam for about 24 hours in Dec. 2003
— has taped a message congratulating Muslim fans on the selection
of their favorite player, Patriots running back Rabih Abdullah,
to the first-ever Allah-Madden Team.
President Bush will also appear via satellite, offering pre-game
safety tips to protect novice football fans from the ever-present
danger of choking
on a pretzel.
Related stories: