Court pick seen as victory for
oppressed white Christian male

By John Breneman

By nominating U.S. Appeals Court Judge John G. Roberts Jr.,
President Bush disappointed those who hoped he would add diversity
to the Supreme Court by picking the nation’s first openly
gay Mexican-Chinese transvestite albino jurist.

However, the conservative Roberts does meet the most important
test for any nominee; he does not appear to have an illegal
nanny or sexual harassment fetish.

Roberts’ agent was able to negotiate a lifetime contract
worth an estimated $200,000 a year for the 50-year-old legal
superstar, who also receives an unlimited supply of free robes
and imported rosewood gavels.

President Bush has said repeatedly he would apply no "litmus
test" in evaluating the candidates as long as they oppose
Roe v. Wade, the landmark 1973 decision guaranteeing all fetuses
the right to own a gun.

Supporters are hailing the choice as an important victory
for the oppressed white Christian male. Legal analysts say
Roberts should be confirmed by the Senate, but only after
intense grilling by Democratic senators regarding his view
on the death penalty for satirists.