Syrian bread prices climb as tension mounts

By
John Breneman

Political unrest in Lebanon threatens to throw the world
Syrian bread market into a state of upheaval not seen since
the olive oil embargo of the early 1970s.

Syrian bread prices climbed sharply for the third straight
day amid heightening tension between Washington and Damascus
and international calls for a boost in output from OPEC (the
Organization of Pita Exporting Countries).

Hundreds of thousands of protesters poured into a downtown
square in Beirut on Tuesday, denouncing American baked goods
and shouting pro-Syrian bread slogans like "Tastes great
with tabouleh!" and "Less filling than bagels!"
The protest rally reportedly was organized by Hezbollah, a
militant Shiite Islamic group with ties to the Hummus terrorist
organization.

The White House has called for an immediate and full withdrawal
of Syrian troops from Lebanon, but sources say Syrian President
Bashar al-Assad is concerned this would leave Lebanon vulnerable
to a U.S. takeover of its vast Syrian bread reserves.

Bashar al-Assad, known for his love of ophthalmology and
crispy brick-oven pita, inherited the presidency from his
father Bashar H.W. al-Assad and now controls as much as 83%
of the world supply of Syrian bread.

President Bush, who recently went on record acknowledging
that you cannot "drill for Syrian bread," said it
is vital to U.S. interests that we not allow terrorists to
acquire unsecured stockpiles of pita.

CNN Middle East correspondent Baba Ghanouj characterized
U.S.-Syrian relations as "falafel."