Tinky Winky claims ‘Jacko touched me’

Appearing on "Hardball" to discuss recent allegations
that SpongeBob SquarePants is homosexual, beloved children’s
entertainer Tinky Winky admitted falling into severe depression
back in 1999 when Rev.
Jerry Falwell accused him of being a purse-toting moral deviant.

Having
his manhood impugned by an attention-seeking televangelist
was bad enough, but Mr. Winky said the worst part of his ordeal
was fending off the amorous advances of pop star Michael Jackson.

During a visit to Jackson’s Neverland ranch, Mr. Winky said
he felt positively gay while riding roller-coasters and feeding
giraffes, but became uncomfortable after Mr. Jackson gave
him some "funny-tasting" Kool-Aid and then dangled
him over a balcony.

Mr. Winky said he grew increasingly uneasy as his host talked
about a game they could play with the Elephant Man’s bones,
then fled the compound when Mr. Jackson "touched me on
my private antenna."

A spokesman for Mr. Jackson denied the allegation, but said
there is nothing wrong with sharing your bed with a plush
purple doll.

Pressed for details, Mr. Winky said he will have more to
say during an upcoming segment of
"60 Minutes" that also features Pee-Wee Herman and
Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter.

Gazette exclusive: Tinky
Winky talks (Feb. 28, 1999)