Triple-Action News: the latest poll

Good
evening, I’m anchorman Reid Page and this is Triple-Action
News.

A new Gallup poll reveals that conservatives and liberals
agree on at least one key issue — 82% of Americans say they
would like to punch a politician in the face.

Another 74% say they would like to choke a cable TV news
pundit.

This as a majority of conservatives AND liberals agree that
efforts to make America more healthy are being distorted by
malicious cable news fear-mongering, and sabotaged by typical
hypocritical political greed.

In
a new Fox News poll …

86% of Fox News viewers are confused about whether President
Obama is a socialist, a communist, a Nazi, a Muslim extremist
or — worse — all of the above.

74% don’t want their schoolchildren exposed to that radical, foreign,
brown bogeyman who lives in the White House.

Another 46% fear Obama is plotting to implant an Obamaton
microchip in the left forearm of every schoolchild.

And 99% of Fox News viewers say they do not want to be euthanized
by some government death panel or one of Obama’s big-government
zombie storm troopers.

However, 99% of Fox viewers ALSO say they wouldn’t mind having
health insurance that covered pre-existing conditions, that
didn’t keep skyrocketing in price and that actually paid most
medical bills instead of arbitrarily denying coverage.

For Triple-Action News, I’m anchorman Reid Page.