Tweet
nothings

"I just tweet; that’s just the way I
roll."

Not exactly Descartes ("I tweet therefore
I am"), but that’s about as profound as it gets with
Sarah Palin.

In that economical 40-character, spoken-word
quote to The
New York Times Magazine, she summed up her mavericky
strategy for using Twitter (335,000 followers) and Facebook
(2.5 million followers) to bypass the lamestream media and
deliver barely coherent, agenda-driven rhetoric directly to
the people.

Whether she’s scolding Obama, threatening to
sue the media or literally targeting political enemies with
actual rifle sights, Sarah Palin is revolutionizing political
communication with her unique brand of (anti)social networking.

That controversial tax-cuts compromise you’ve
been hearing about? Palin used Twitter
to share her "views" on the deal: "Tweety tweety
tweety tweet," tweeted Palin, adding, "Tweedle-dee."

Think that sounds silly or confusing? Here’s
the actual text: "Obviously Obama is so very, very wrong
on the economy & spins GOP tax cut goals; so fiscal conservatives:
we expect you to fight for us &…"

I suppose I could ramble on about the genius
of climaxing her missive with the ampersand-elipsis cliffhanger,"
but these decipherers parse the above befuddler far better
than I ever could. (Jennifer
Rubin, Washington Post  / 
Jason
Easley, PoliticusUSA)

Yes, her every tweet is red meat for one camp
or another. And she has mastered the art of deploying Facebook
as a political weapon. Her infamous (Aug. 7, 2009) "death
panels" post is some stone-cold Willie Horton
thuggery. You thought Obama "palling around with terrorists"
was bad-ass…

"The
America I know and love is not one in which my parents or
my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of
Obama’s "death panel" so his bureaucrats can decide
… whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system
is downright evil."

Her invention of the fictitious "death
panel" to bludgeon the "evil" Obama is now
legendary. She reportedly softened the post from an earlier
draft in which she planned to accuse Obama of smothering the
elderly with government-issued pillows.

(Typical follower’s reaction: Wow, Sarah —
that’s really unbelievable. Thanks for spreading the word
about how Obama’s trying to destroy America.)

Could Palin actually tweet her way to the presidency?
Eleven characters: You betcha.

Hey, if only he’d had the technology, Abraham
Lincoln might be best remembered for his Gettysburg …
Tweet? Picture Franklin D. Roosevelt — inspiring America
with his fireside tweets. Or @JFK: Tweet not what your country
can do for you…

Caution: Don’t be being fooled by the many fake
Palin Twitter accounts (@ObamaSlayer2012, @ImpeachKenyaPrez).
For the uninitiated, it can be difficult to tell an authentic
Palin-penned Tweet (example: "Don’t Retreat, Instead
— RELOAD!") from a bogus one ("SHOOT a godless
liberal congressman TODAY!").

So remember: A tweet accusing President Obama
of drinking blood from the skulls of unborn illegal aliens
is only legit if it comes from Sarah’s official feed — @SarahPalinUSA.

Finally, I want to go on record being the first to predict that – sometime in early 2011 – Palin will attempt to deflect criticism from one of her ridiculous 140-character policy statements or slams by claiming she was “mistweeted” by the lamestream media.