Vice President Dick Cheney outlines his plan to choke John Edwards.

Pundits render verdict in
case of Cheney v. Edwards

By John Breneman

Sen. Edwards challenges Cheney to "put up your dukes."

Vice President Dick Cheney scored a decisive blow in his
debate with Sen. John Edwards on Tuesday by citing a link
between Al Qaeda and U.S. trial lawyers. Cheney also claimed
that, if elected, John Kerry would appoint Germans and Frenchmen
to his Cabinet.

Pundits called the debate a clear victory for the very composed
Cheney, who did not snarl or rip his shirt off and turn huge
and green, even when Edwards kept talking about what a mess
Cheney and his pet monkey have made while doing their doody.

Cheney called Edwards a young whipper-flopper who first voted
FOR President Bush’s plan to rush to war on phony intelligence
and badly mishandle the whole operation, then turned AGAINST
the war once the president’s death toll got too high.

But Edwards responded by calling Bush-Cheney double flip-floppers
who first OPPOSED creating the 9/11 Commission because it
might expose their fraud and incompetence and then said OK
once public opinion forced them to.

Edwards also noted that Cheney was FOR doing business with
evil Iran when he was making big money with Halliburton, but
AGAINST evil Iran now that he is only getting deferred compensation
from Halliburton.

Cheney refrained from telling Edwards, "Go f— yourself,"
instead saying, "I’ve been taking massive dumps in the
White House since you were in diapers, Senator." He also
defied pre-debate expectations that he might try to squish
the puny Edwards between his thumb and forefinger or beat
him silly with an aluminum tube.

Edwards went on the offensive, saying he would represent
the American people in a class-action lawsuit against Bush
and Cheney for fraudulent leadership, arbitrary and capricious
war-mongering and for destroying America’s credibility around
the world. The suit would target some of the money Bush-Cheney
have lavished on wealthy supporters to buy votes and instead
use it to help regular people.

On gay marriage, Edwards said President Bush’s call a federal
amendment amounts to "using the Constitution as a political
tool and it’s wrong." Cheney responded by saying his
gay daughter could beat the crap out of Edwards.

A Humor Gazette tracking poll found that if the election
were held today Cheney would immobilize Kerry and Edwards
by secreting a toxic venom through his fangs.