Bush
wounded in War on Christmas
By
John Breneman
President Bush continued to draw fire today from enraged
Christian extremists who see him as the latest enemy combatant
in the rapidly escalating War on Christmas.
The president touched off the firefight by sending out a
White House communication emblazoned with the incendiary terminology:
"Best wishes for a holiday season of hope and happiness."
Bush claimed he received faulty intelligence from his Christmas
card team and failed to realize the mere mention of "Happy
Holidays" is enough to send some of his biggest supporters
into a yuletide rage. Many critics regard the card as a slap
in the face of Jesus himself.
Meanwhile, the airwaves are abuzz with the inane debate over
whether America is "taking the Christ out of Christmas."
Sources say Bush is working with the Pentagon to draft a
new card carrying the preferred wording: "Merry Birth
Anniversary of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior who died
on the cross for our sins so that we may ascend to the Kingdom
of Heaven."
As critics blasted the card for being too "politically
correct," a White House insider noted that at least one
other version did feature Jesus but was nixed for being too
"anatomically correct."
"Karl Rove joked that we should go with ‘Peace on Earth’,"
said the senior official, who asked to remain anonymous for
fear that Dick Cheney would strangle him and bury his lifeless
body in an undisclosed location.
The Homeland Security Department cautioned citizens that
uttering the words "Happy Holidays" may put them
at heightened risk of attack by Christian extremists.
In a related story, a Texas man reportedly shot a Mexican
for wishing him "Feliz Navidad."
Sources say the president is planning a damage-control press
conference later today to wish everyone a "Merry Christmas,
especially all our friends in the Muslim world."
Related stories:
Don’t
Let Them Steal Your Christmas — RedState.org
Bush’s
secular greetings raise Christian ire — The
Australian
"Yes
Virginia, there is a Christmas war" — North
Country Gazette
Flap
Over White House Holiday Card — CBS News