Bin
Laden releases tape on his new label
In an audiotape offering a terror truce to European countries
that pull their troops from Muslim nations, Osama bin Laden
also suggested he might also be willing to ease up a little
if he could just get a thick juicy steak and a hot shower.
C.I.A. analysts say the tape is probably authentic because
they also picked up some chatter indicating the scrawny terrorist
is down to his last case of SPAM. However, there is still
a 1 percent chance the voice is that of entertainer Pee-Wee
Herman.
President Bush issued orders to "smoke him out"
and asked whether the tape could in any way be linked to Saddam
Hussein. Bush added, "Did he say anything about where
the weapons of mass destruction might be hidden?"
Meanwhile, the Humor Gazette released an audiotape carrying
the following message: "Attention Osama bin Laden, you
murderous sack of maggot dung. Come out of your maggot dung-infested,
urine-drenched rat cave with your hands up so we can riddle
your gutless scum-carcass with 10,000 virgin bullets, you
(five-second delay) hump of rabid dog mess."
The C.I.A. said further evidence of the bin Laden tape’s
authenticity was that it referred to recent events such as
the Easter Bunny plot and
President Bush dropping a comic bomb
with his jokes about weapons of mass destruction.
"That Bush, he slays me," bin Laden said on his
latest tape, released under his new insurgent Muslim extremist
hiphop record label, Afghanistan Gangsta. The recording also
has a digitally remastered version of "Osama Said Knock
You Out."
The C.I.A. would not comment on a rumor it has recruited
the rapper 50 Cent to "roll" over to Afghanistan
and "off" that "punk-ass terrorist mutha fucka."