Burger King intervenes in Schiavo case

By
John Breneman

A Florida man has been arrested for trying to bring Terri
Schiavo an Enormous
Omelet Sandwich, the controversial new 730-calorie
breakfast gut-buster from Burger King. The man, later identified
as Dagwood Bumstead, was blocked by a police officer, who
clubbed him to the ground and then consumed the massive blob
of food.

The new sandwich, which has drawn criticism from health advocates,
contains half a dozen eggs*, a brick of melted cheese*, and
two or three pounds of steak*, bacon*, sausage* and hog jowl*,
all served on a tasty bread-like bun.

A spokesman for the family pleaded with authorities to allow
Schiavo to have the sandwich, saying she had once confided
that if she ever went into a vegetative state for 15 years
AND a fast-food chain introduced a new product containing
more than two pounds of meat* and/or 400 milligrams of cholesterol
that she would want to try it.

House Majority Leader Tom
DeLay urged Congress to enact legislation giving federal
courts jurisdiction over fast-food, right-to-die cases and
President
Bush was awakened from his afternoon nap to be ready
to sign the bill into law.

* Product may contain up to 92 percent lard, wombat feces,
pus and pus by-products, partially hydrogenated cornhole oil
and/or human flesh.

* Also contains chicken beaks, e. coli, red dye #2, uranium
yellow cake, monosodium gluttonate and high fructose ass droppings.

* Not available in Ethiopia or The Sudan.

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