Trump to Bush: 'You're fired'
Donald Trump called President George W. Bush into his boardroom
today to deliver bad news to the embattled CEO of America
The superstar New York developer cushioned the blow by saying
he might be able to find something for Bush as a mid-level
executive in one of his shell companies or perhaps "clearing
brush" outside one of his skyscrapers.
"For a guy with a bachelor's from Yale and an MBA from
Harvard, you don't have much sense, do you?" said Trump,
who seemed to enjoy making Bush squirm a bit before dropping
the axe on the slack-jawed former president.
Trump said Bush had already been on thin ice for leading
his organization into an expensive, high-risk war that offered
little potential for return on the massive investment of taxpayer
But the final straw was this week's bogus White House projection
that the economy would add 2.6 million new jobs this year,
an erroneously optimistic number that Bush and administration
officials have been forced to scramble away from.
After sleeping on what he said was a difficult decision,
the man known as "The Donald" he woke up, dragged
a $6,000 Armani comb through his fabulous hair helmet and
ordered his helicopter pilot, Jeeves, to zoom down to Washington
to give "The Dubya" his walking papers.
Trump, who briefly explored a presidential run in 1999, said
he would consider filling in as interim president, as long
as he didn't have to take orders from Vice President Dick
Cheney like Bush does.
The star of the hot new reality TV show, "The Apprentice,"
Trump furthered justified sacking the president by saying
that, under Bush, the federal deficit is expanding almost
as fast as his own gargantuan ego.
In the end, Trump concluded, he had little choice but to
can Bush "despite all those crazy tax cuts he dishes
out for insanely wealthy guys like me."
Bush vows to stop 'Yankee madman'
Citing his brazen acquisition of the most powerful weapon
in all of baseball, President Bush today called New York Yankees
dictator George Steinbrenner an "imminent threat"
to America's national pastime.
Bush said the only way to deal with Steinbrenner, who shocked
the nation this weekend by adding Alex Rodriguez to his already
devastating arsenal, is to "take him out."
"Make no mistake, the Yankee madman now has the capability
to wipe out the hopes and dreams of entire cities," said
Bush, adding that a pre-emptive military strike may be the
only way to topple the Steinbrenner regime.
Economic sanctions like baseball's luxury tax have failed
to stop Steinbrenner from stockpiling an offensive juggernaut
so powerful that it threatens to destroy America's sacred
national game, the president said, so it is time to "smoke
him out" of his heavily fortified compound at Yankee
critics have called for diplomacy, baseball analyst Peter
Gammons said Bush is itching to attack Steinbrenner's so-called
Bronx Bombers with a squadron of F/A-18E fighter jets.
CIA and FBI analysts failed to pick up any "chatter"
about Steinbrenner's bombshell move, but the president said
there is plenty of "dang good intelligence" to support
his call for military action.
"We know he has acquired arms from communist Cuba. Now
he has the 'A-Bomb'," said Bush. "Plus a source
in the British government has learned he even poisoned thousands
of his own people with hot dogs slathered in mustard gas."
Steinbrenner issued a statement saying he defeated Bush when
the future president served as managing general partner of
the Texas Rangers from 1989-1994 and is not intimidated. He
dismissed the White House rhetoric as "bush league."
President may have evaded
Boy Scout service
By John Breneman
-- New allegations have emerged regarding President Bush's
service in uniform, this time involving his record in the
Boy Scouts of America.
As critics hammer him over whether he evaded his duties in
the National Guard, the president now faces tough questions
about whether he actually earned several merit badges that
have been awarded to him.
Bush is an outspoken supporter of the Boy Scouts and also
serves as the organization's honorary president, but there
is mounting evidence that he may have completely "blown
off" the respected character-building organization as
former Texas scoutmaster says he has no recollection of Bush
ever having served in his troop and could produce no records
that the future president was ever issued a uniform or penknife.
Nevertheless, Bush reportedly has received merit badges for
Citizenship, Emergency Preparedness and Public Speaking. Critics
charge that Bush's possession of the badges is a slap in the
face to thousands of diligent young scouts who have earned
them fair and square.
Eagle Scout Jimmy Barton, 16, of Whittler, Texas, said he
guesses the president could make a case he earned the badges
through his later service to the country, but he is not convinced.
and Emergency Preparedness I could understand, but Public
Speaking? Please," said Barton. "I think he should
give them back unless he wants to do the work. I had to report
15 suspicious neighbors to the Justice Department to get my
Emergency Preparedness badge."
Bush responded to the allegations on "Meet the Press,"
saying, "I would be careful to not denigrate the Boy
Scouts. It's fine to go after me, which I expect the other
side will do. I wouldn't denigrate service to the Scouts,
Earlier today, the White House released dental records showing
Bush had received treatment for a cavity caused by eating
toasted marshmallows at a Boy Scout jamboree in 1960.